Perfectionism Isn't Just a Mom Thing

Where the “Perfect Mom” Framing Falls Short

A lot of writing about perfectionism assumes it's a motherhood problem: the pressure to have the Pinterest nursery, the organic snacks, the calm response every time. That framing captures something real, but it also misses a lot. For many women, perfectionism was fully formed long before there was ever a baby involved, and it doesn't disappear or resolve just because it now has a new target.

Where It Actually Starts

Perfectionism often takes root earlier: in a childhood where love or approval felt conditional on achievement, in a competitive school or work environment, in a family that prized being impressive over being okay. Motherhood tends to give perfectionism a new, especially demanding arena to operate in, but it's rarely the origin story.

How It Shows Up Outside of Motherhood

If you're not a mother, or motherhood isn't the main pressure point in your life right now, perfectionism can still be running the show: in how you handle feedback at work, in relationships where you struggle to ask for what you need, in a body-image standard you can never quite meet, in decisions you second-guess long after they're made.

The mechanism is the same as the postpartum version, a belief that your worth depends on performing well, it's just aimed somewhere else.

Why Untangling It Matters Either Way

Whether perfectionism is showing up through motherhood, career, or somewhere else entirely, the way out tends to be the same: identifying the belief underneath it, and, when it's rooted further back, using approaches like EMDR to work with where that belief originally came from, rather than just managing its symptoms in the moment.

My perfectionism therapy page goes deeper into what that work looks like, for moms and for anyone else who recognizes themselves in this.

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